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Why You Probably Don’t Need That Many Friends As an Adult

Why You Probably Don’t Need That Many Friends As an Adult

Let’s be real here—loneliness will make you do some things you wouldn’t otherwise do

I can’t count the number of snacks I’ve eaten, swipe rights I followed through on and clothes and lipsticks I’ve bought just because I felt totally alone.

Making friends as an adult is pretty hard and it’s not really something life can prepare you for, especially when you’re pursuing an interest vastly different from them and their hobbies (if they have any, to begin with… most of the people I know don’t!)

For fun (which later turned out to be anything but) I recently took an assessment of the people I associate with that aren’t family and here are the (honest, but harsh) results. Out of the 11 names, I could write down:

  • 3 are people that we text and we get along, but I never see them
  • 4 I’m cool with but we don’t really ever talk/ when we do it’s just life updates you literally don’t have enough time or energy to tell them everything especially over text for messenger
  • 1 I talk to a lot because I’m lonely but I don’t think that they are a good friend so I’ve made steps to talk to them less
  • 3 are acquaintances that I can’t connect within any sort of meaningful way.
  • As a bonus 1 new friend might be promising so fingers crossed!

I literally do not have one friend that I can lean on in the way that I need them to be there for me that feels genuine and consistent.

Sounds a little sad right?

It kind of is, but when I talk to people my age we’re all in the same boat so it’s somewhat comforting that I’m the only one with a ton of friends.

Growing up I’ve tried to have a lot of friends or at least considered it, but to be honest quantity and quality are not the same thing when it comes to dealing with human beings, especially when you’re like me and can find most other people to be quite annoying.

If this sounds like you, there are a couple of things I want to point out here.

One this is part of a being an adult—everyone has their own stuff going on so it’s not entirely fair or reasonable to ask someone to put aside themselves to be there for you 100% of the time (and no getting a boyfriend does not solve this problem).

Second, I’ve had to realize that not everyone is on the same journey as you which means you can’t rely on the people you know all in the same way. If you’re building a brand or a business it’s not crazy to think that you’ll have personal friends that you can talk about nonsense with and business friends that you can conquer the world with.

Thirdly, as you get older and life continues to happen it’s better to have a few good friends then a Rolodex of contacts a mile long that don’t mean anything to you. When times get tough you’ll want people who legitimately care about you to talk and deciding who makes the cut can be hard.

In any case, you have to be careful about the company you keep!

Less is often times more.

-Annsley

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Annsley Lucas
Annsley Lucas

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