Are you willing to wait?
Usually anything worth waiting for means we actually have to wait for it. Seems simple right? Of course, it is (and that’s part of the frustration)! We are living in a culture that is focusing on having a good time. We are conditioned to pretty much be adverse to anything that might have us feeling bad/ anxious/ sad/ the teeniest tiniest bit unhappy.
Let’s speak on happiness and the high cost of waiting for anything worth waiting for.
Life coaching teaching us that we should choose fulfillment over happiness.
- A high you constantly have to chase
- Based on external factors -usually followed by disappointment or dissatisfaction
- A state of being
- Based on internal factors
- The process of doing the work on yourself to know yourself
That last one? She ain’t easy, but she’s definitely worth it.
Recently, I have been learning this lesson the hard way with online dating. I am honestly very sick of being single, but also overwhelmingly frustrated that I can’t find anyone worth the time of day. Sure, I was getting a lot of advances (see OkCupid insta story highlight for the insanity), but none of it was worth anything to me (again see highlight for a complete explanation).
I slowly but surely started transferring my power–the very source of my being–to men who were not deserving of the time of day. I was feeling terrible about myself and also feeling like I couldn’t find anything who had standards in life (and yes, some people just breeze through life with no standards…don’t get me started on this topic’s gendered origins!). I was feeling like although I knew what I had to offer, every day with each dumb message from some random guy, my sense of self and self-worth was being challenged and attacked.
Eventually, I just got to a point where I wanted to be happy.
While I’m still single, I am coming to grips with the reality that in the world of dating, you kinda only want it to work out one time (if marriage if your end goal like mine…cool if it’s not). I’m not someone who wants to date around so why was I getting all bent out of shape over something that did not even matter to me?
I can tell you why–I started spending time chasing external validation when I really needed to keep working on myself and (and honestly y’all my business). My internal focus skyrocketed to being controlled by external factors.
When I realized this I did a few things and eventually, I started to get my power back:
- I deleted those stupid apps
- I started saying my daily affirmations
- I remembered that I mattered to me and that now was not my time to be in a relationship
- Got outside of myself by being around people, watching tv, listening to podcasts and going to church (literally, anything to take my mind off myself)
For whichever higher power you believe in, from time to time she likes to get your attention. I was fighting the now oh-so-obvious reality that now is not my time to be in a relationship (or at least hyper-focus on it).
Now it the time for me to:
- Find clients
- Take care of myself
- Figure out my future for the next 3 months
Clear as day, that was my focus.
I can’t lie I have put an app or two back on my phone, but with one MAJOR difference: my perspective on it.
Like a good online shopping experience, from time to time I like to surf and see any new profiles that spark my interest, but I keep my values damn well intact and swipe left on anything that makes me feel like I’m giving my power away out of boredom, insecurity or vulnerability (hello mood swings!)
How do you feel about waiting? Is this something you’re good at or do you struggle?
Let me know in the comments and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some help in this area! Coaching may be right for you!
To close out this post, I just want to remind you that things worth waiting for have a price tag. It’s not something you cant barter or haggle. It’s set by Lady Universe and she means business! Chase fulfillment over happiness and don’t forget your main purpose and goals!
-Annsley, She Makes Sense
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